It Is What It Is

I have been in a "funk" lately. I know the reason. I have been working on it. It is what it is.

Just for those of you who may not know me real well, when I get into a "funk" or down, I shut down. I don't mean I crawl into a corner and cry myself to sleep, but I become unsocial. I have trust issues so I don't talk my problems out. On top of that, I don't want to be "that guy" when I'm out, so I don't go out. "That Guy" is referred to the guy that seems to be down everytime you see him, depressed, etc.

Ok, so something was said to me today that hit me. Even before that, I have spent a lot of time "reflecting", if you will. And I have decided that this is the start of a new chapter in my life. I have decided to do things much differently. I will explain more shortly.....

All of my life, I'm not sure that I say what I feel. I have always said what I needed in order to get what I want. I've been called a smooth talker all of my life and the majority of the time it was meant as a compliment. I now realize it is a curse. When I pray, I have to pray for the same thing several times, in several different ways and beg God to make my heart mean what I'm saying and praying. I have "smoothed talked" for so long, I am terrified that I am "smooth talking" God. It sounds funny, but this is a legitimate fear of mine. This literally wears me out emotionally. It drains me.

People have told me that the very fact that I worry about this and think about it means that I DO feel what I am praying for. Well, for me it's just not that easy.

I have concluded all of this is from the enemy. I may be wrong, but that is my only explanation for my weariness after calling out to the Father.

------------------- SO ------------------

I have decided to do certain things differently. Tomorrow is the start of a new chapter in my life. My eating habits, my exercising, my Bible time, my prayer time, my new found enjoyment of fasting, my socializing and so many other things. There are many things in life that I want RIGHT NOW, but I -WILL- be patient and wait on Him.

- I WILL live a God first life!
- I WILL give myself as a living sacrifice!
- I WILL treat my body as His, and be a good steward of it!
- I WILL continue to tithe and give offerings, but will remain open for more!
- I WILL be patient for His will, for His glory and for His honor!
- I WILL love as He loves, and stop judging others!
- I WILL stop wanting a companion, more money, more toys and focus on the ONE thing that I need to want, and that is to be told "Well done, my good and faithful servant"!

---- and I will praise Him, thank Him, worship Him and cry out to Him in all that I do!

Father, I pray that you create a stirring within my soul and my heart. I pray that you draw me closer to you than ever before and use me for your glory! I thank you that I can come to you directly because of the blood of Jesus Christ and it's in the name of Jesus that I ask for your protection and guidance! Amen (so be it).